Today I should be celebrating my third child's second birthday, but my son will never have a birthday on earth. Due April 27, 1998, Josiah David was born into heaven September 18, 1997.

          I no longer cry every day or even every month for the children I lost to miscarriage, yet my heart still aches for those babies I will never hold or know. True, I did not develop the bond with those babies that I did with my three living sons, but that does not mean that I did not love those children or feel sorrow and pain when they left my womb so prematurely.

          The pain of miscarriage is very real, whether the child is lost in the first few weeks of pregnancy or in the second trimester. There is the physical pain in miscarrying the baby, but I believe the emotional pain far outweighs the physical since there is no baby to hold or love.

          I still have many unanswered questions: the sex of my babies and why I had several miscarriages following two perfectly normal pregnancies. I may never know why, but I do know that God is caring for my babies in a far better environment than I can provide for them.

          I have had a third son since my miscarriages, but no baby ever takes the place of a child that died. Yes, the pain and tears do lessen over time, but the memory always remains.

          Josiah, I love you and wish you a happy birthday in Heaven.

 

Copyright Rachel Keller