The Silver Lining of A Cloud 

 

I knew that miscarriage was painful, but I never understood how much until I had my first one in September 1997. I was only eight weeks when I started spotting, and within a few days, I lost my first baby. The grief I experienced for the next couple weeks was indescribable. A part of my life was suddenly gone. At first, I felt foolish grieving over such a little thing until I realized that grieving was necessary to my healing. But how could something so little cause so much pain?

 

With the help of God and friends, I began to overcome my grief and looked forward to conceiving again, but now I feared losing another baby. When my fears became reality, I questioned "Why me?" One miscarriage was enough. Why did I have to endure a second one ten months later?

 

Although I have not discovered the answers to all my questions, I know that the sovereign almighty God had everything in His control. He loves me and never gives me more than I can handle. He has a purpose in everything even when I don't understand.

 

It is still painful when I think of my babies in heaven. I wish I could have my babies with me, but I know they are much happier now. I pray I never experience another miscarriage, but I would not change the past because I have gleaned so much from those experiences. I know God has more he wants to teach me, but here is what I have learned so far.

 

Due to my miscarriages, I am in better health today.

 

After I had my first miscarriage, I knew I needed to get in shape. I had just started a walking program the end of July and had added aerobics about the time I had the miscarriage. Some people had told me my physical activity had caused my miscarriage, but I knew this was not true. I gradually increased my physical activity, started taking vitamins, and tried to eat a healthier diet. My husband started taking vitamins, as well. We both wanted to be in top physical shape before we conceived another baby.

 

I appreciate my living children more and do not take them for granted.

 

When I had my miscarriage, I had two young sons whom I loved dearly, but something about the miscarriage made me realize how special it was to have these two children. Sometimes, we take things for granted, such as conceiving and carrying a baby to term. I realized then that it was God, not I, who was in control of the children I had.

 

I can comfort those in similar situations.

 

I truly hope that I never experience another miscarriage, and I wish that no one had to experience this pain, but now I understand better what someone feels when they lose a child. Before I had my first miscarriage, I knew that miscarriages hurt, but I never understood how deep that pain could be. I have written several articles that I never could have written unless I had experienced the pain of loss.

 

Three years ago, I never realized that I would be writing again or that God would use my experiences to help others. I have corresponded with many women who have had miscarriages. Some have had repeated miscarriages, as many as 11. I cannot begin to fathom their pain, nor the numerous tests and doctor visits they have had to endure.

 

I have treasure awaiting me in heaven.

 

Although I miss my children, I look forward to meeting and getting to know them in heaven. It makes heaven so much more glorious for me. (See Letter to Heaven.)

 

I have a beautiful son!

 

The greatest blessing I have received so far has been the birth of my third son. I conceived Joseph a few months after my last miscarriage. Joseph would not be here today had I carried that final baby to term. Yes, I miss my babies, but God gave me another blessing in return.

 

My miscarriages were dark clouds, but God has helped me see the silver lining of those clouds!

 

 

Copyright Rachel Keller